In these crazy times when a relationship can begin just by swiping right instead of left, and can end with the press of the send button, I’ve noticed an alarming trend: men don’t seem to text back the way they used to. It’s the new version of “why hasn’t he called?” Since it’s no longer 1954 and no one is sitting by the phone anymore, texting and messaging of some kind is the way to go, for better or for worse.
So
I asked some men, why don’t men text back? Their responses were honest,
funny, heartbreaking, reassuring, and also totally un-reassuring.
Here’s what they said.
“I haven’t responded to a woman’s text
because I don’t feel like talking. Sometimes I know that if I respond
then there will be a million follow up texts and I don’t want to deal
with that shit. If I know
it’s a simple one and done text, then more
than likely I will respond, but if I know it will lead to a novel of
bullshit, then fuck it…ain’t worth my time. BUT!! Women do the same
shit. They don’t respond all the time and it’s equally as frustrating.” –
Bradley, 25.“Men don’t text back when they are afraid to say what they really feel. Nobody wants to hurt anybody, so we take the coward’s way out, which, in turn, ends up hurting the other person. It’s better to ignore than to actually say, ‘Hey, I’m just not that into you.’” – Matt, 27.
“Three related reasons: One: People are naturally averse to giving bad news. Two: Replying means that you’re acknowledging the recipient, which forces you to think about her, which might make you feel bad. Three: It’s a reminder of the time you wasted on the date, interview, meeting, or whatever. It’s an awful tendency that even good people fall into, and it applies to just about everything. I imagine that women do it as much as men do, too.” – Jay, 39.
“We are too busy playing video games
and we don’t look at our phone for hours, and by the time we do it’s too
late, so we go to sleep and always say we will tomorrow, and totally
completely forget.” – Aryan, 25.
“[Men don’t text back] because men
freight their texts with far less emotional weight than women. Women
parse everything for subtle shadings of meaning and intent. Men are
mainly looking for food and/or sex.” – Jesse, 29.
“I definitely don’t agree with you. In fact, I would say that my experience has been the complete opposite. I find that a lot of women are the ones who fail to maintain communication. My guess is maybe LA dating and Austin dating are very different which is what makes you think that’s what is happening.” – Joah, 31.
“[I don’t text back] because she texts WAY too much, and it gets a little annoying to have to ‘report in’ all the time.” – Heath, 45.
“[Men don’t text back] because too many things can be misunderstood in texting. Think about it. Dudes don’t text all day like women do. We don’t have practice in conveying ourselves as well as you do. So we take careful precaution to respond. Texting should be simply for nice hellos and plan making. Keep the flirting face to face until you’ve been together for a while. Also, if you want to text all the time, you really distance yourself to nonverbal communication and show lack of involvement and commitment.” – Clarke, 25.
“Three kinds of messages will keep me from texting back: One: A leading question with no data. Ex: ‘What are you up to next Tuesday?’ When it’s open-ended, someone is usually trying to trick you into helping them move. Two: Guilt Texts. ‘Hey, I know you’ve been too busy to hang out and you missed my birthday, are we ever gonna hang out?’ There’s nowhere to start that convo but ‘I’m sorry’, and men are, historically, terrible at that. Three: Just a winking emoticon, nothing else. Don’t do that.” – Jack, 40.
“Sometimes we don’t text back so the girl will like us more. The whole ‘be less available’ thing. We usually pull this bullshit when the girl is being friendzoney. It also falls under the ‘girls like assholes’ routine…so we think we are being jerks when not texting back.” – Robin, 28.
“For me, I do text back if I am not preoccupied. It’s when I am busy or focused on something else I decide to reply back later. Usually I always forget.” – Boone, 24.
“Sometimes men are nervous and are actually very into you, but they put off texting back because they want everything to be perfect. I’ve put off texting someone back that I really liked for the STUPIDEST reasons ever: Nerves, gas, a zit, hungover, cut myself shaving and don’t want her to think that I’m uncoordinated idiot who can’t even shave myself, or because she wants to go get food and I’m too embarrassed to admit that I just ate the left half of the Jack In The Box menu. And they could be busy. Time flies when you’re busy while time stands still when you’re waiting for someone to text back. I’ve had many times where I didn’t realize that my girlfriend was waiting for a response to something for like a half hour because I decided to do the dishes or something and the time flew. Also, I’ve straight up ignored texts from a girl because she was crazy.” – Tony, 32.
I had to interject here and ask, can you elaborate? What makes a girl “crazy”?
“I’m talking about legitimately unstable. Like bunny boiling, can’t remember what you just said because she was too busy thinking about wearing your skin for her birthday, CRAZY. Not any sort of secret code for ‘Girls, this is what you’re doing that makes guys think you’re crazy’ or anything.”
Ohhhh, okay. That’s a relief?
So women, now you know. And apparently, we do it, too.
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