The idea that there is only one soul mate or that "if you truly love someone you will not be drawn to others" is not always valid in reality. If you find yourself stuck with feelings for two people, you must step back, understand what kind of feelings you are experiencing and then try to decide which of the persons you should commit to. It may not always be clear which person is right for you. As long as you are honest, you will have your answer. Here is a quick guide to help you find that answer quickly.
Steps
Handle Being In Love With Two People Step 1.
1
Decide on one person to mentally commit yourself to for the time being. This mental transition does not have to be permanent and it does not have to be verbalized to anyone, if you don't want to. If you can't decide which one to mentally commit to first, just go with the first person you met, or the one who is kinder, or the one who you like the personality of the most.
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2.
Handle Being In Love With Two People Step 2.
2
Spend enough time with this first person to make sure you keep a clear picture of how it feels to be with them - this can mean that you meet very often or that you just meet occasionally to catch up. You decide what feels right.
3.
Handle Being In Love With Two People Step 3.
3
Make the second person a platonic friendship for the time being. Hold this position until you work through all of these steps.
4.
Handle Being In Love With Two People Step 4.
4
Decide if this second person is a crush, or someone that you lust over, which helps direct the true nature your feelings. Distance yourself from them for some time, avoid contact and carry on with other aspects of your life and check in with your feelings every now and then. Try the distancing for a day, a week, a couple of months -- whatever feels right to you. Everyone is different.
5.
Handle Being In Love With Two People Step 5.
5
Continue with this distancing process until you are certain that you have allowed enough time for a crush to be out of the question. Most crushes will fade with time.
6.
Handle Being In Love With Two People Step 6.
6
Take the time to evaluate both your friendships, knowing that the second person is more than a crush.
7.
Handle Being In Love With Two People Step 7.
7
Write down everything you can think of for the first person until you exhaust the list. Write down everything you can think of for the second person until you exhaust the list. Keep the following questions in mind
* What characteristics are important for selecting a great life partner, in general?
* What specific aspects of each friendship do you value?
* What specific aspects of each friendship could be improved?
* What do you find attractive in each person?
* How has each person reciprocated your kindness?
* How has each person reacted to adversity?
* Is there one that reciprocates your love more?
* How realistic is you picture of each person? If you know one of them better can you still see the situation clearly?
8.
Handle Being In Love With Two People Step 8.
8
Look at the list of comparisons and work through the feelings in each list.
* Does one person feel slightly more compatible to you than the other?
* This does not mean that you can't still love both, but it directs the probability of success towards one relationship over another.
9.
Handle Being In Love With Two People Step 9.
9
Check your feelings. With the probability of success ever-so-slightly tipped for one relationship over the other, check your feelings on the result. If the result indicates you should commit to the first person, over the second, what would the consequences be and how would you feel about that decision? If the result indicates that you should commit to the second person, over the first. How do the consequences for this choice and your feelings compare to the first scenario?
10.
Handle Being In Love With Two People Step 10.
10
Understand that love is a wonderful gift that anyone can give anytime without caveats. As humans, we are capable of loving many people and when we love someone we put the other person's needs in front of our own. Sometimes loving a person means staying with them to be the person that makes sure they are happy forever. Sometime loving a person means allowing them to be find happiness forever with someone else. Either way, the love for both still exists and is nothing you should be stressed over, as long as the boundaries of the relationships are clearly defined. If you truly love the other person, then it will make you happy to see them happy, your friendship and love for them can continue, and you will never have to choose between the two.
11.
Handle Being In Love With Two People Step 11.
11
Trust your instincts. Never forget that you're the one in the know and that you should be able to make your own decisions. Also remember that we all have the right to be happy and with someone we love. If you search for you answer and follow these steps you can end up in a happy, committed relationship.
Tips
* Respect both people, put yourself in their shoes.
* Don't let a special moment change your mind, you'll just be confused, and then you'll be sending mixed messages to both of them.
* Distance yourself from both and see who you miss/think about/want to be with the most. If you're spending all your time with one you will get closer to them, but it can fuel the "crush" feeling towards the other because we tend to think things we don't have are better than they really might be.
* Stay busy with yourself, job, friends, anything to keep from dwelling on this situation. Sometimes you just need to get away. A clear mind always makes better decisions.
* Think carefully, which one of these loves can you see yourself with 20+ years from now? Can you see yourself having children with this person? (If that is your desire).
* Tell someone you trust about your problem. It is possible that they might have a perspective of the situation that will help you.
* Ask yourself who you trust more, and how they would act if you were in a relationship with them.
* Think long and hard. Do not make a rash decision.
* Don't make decisions based on momentary feelings or doubts.
* Have some time to yourself for a while, to get to know the person better. It helps to just be friends with both people and be nice to them. Start slowly then decide if they like you enough. It's ok to be nervous; we all get that way from time to time. You can love people as friends and enjoy their company.
# Go with what feels right. But what is right will not come to your senses quickly. So wait. Pass the time and make the right decision. Try to not focus on the person you can't have more of the other. This may naturally draw you to them.
# Don't lead them on.
# If you're still stuck on which one to go for, go for the second, because if you truly loved the first, you wouldn't have fallen for the second.
# Go eat a cookie, it will help you get over it.
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