The beginning of a relationship is a time of great excitement. you
are on the verge of something wonderful and you cannot wait to be with
your beloved. no matter how crazy you are about each other, it is best
to bring a little practicality into the picture too. so before you
decide that you are ready to be known as a couple, here are ten
questions you better thrash out with your partner.
- What are your values in life?
By now you must have had a few engaging conversations with your
partner. The main purpose of these talks is not merely to kill time
before you two can get between the sheets but really to know how each of
you thinks about life. If you have not yet had any meaningful
exchanges, do so without delay. Inquiring about your partner’s values in
life will give you a fair idea about the qualities that he/she holds
dear since these not only define the person he/she is, but will to a
large extent influence the choices he/she makes. For instance if your
date is religious, it is likely he/she will want to celebrate holidays
and religious occasions in
the traditional manner. This could determine
how and where you will be spending your holidays and if married, how
your partner would like to raise the kids.
- Tell me more about your family
Your partner may have told you on the first date that his/her family
is down South or that they originally came from Scotland, but it is
unlikely that you got to know more than that. However before you begin a
new relationship, it is important that you get to know a little more
about your partner’s background and what home was like. The way a
person is brought up goes on to exert a significant influence on his/her
adult relationships. At the same time it is best to tread with caution –
invite him to talk of his/her folks but don’t seem too insistent on
knowing the details.
- What are your career goals?
Every person has a set of dreams and aspirations. These usually have
to do with what he or she would like to achieve and where they see
themselves after a certain number of years. Before entering a
relationship, it is important that you sound out a partner on his/her
goals since these may emerge as a significant factor in deciding your
role in their life. If your partner is ambitious, he/she will probably
not think twice before moving to a different city on account of a
promotion. On the other hand if he/she holds professional ethics close
to heart, he/she might not make a huge amount of money in jobs where a
bit of wheeling-dealing goes.
- How do you manage your finances?
Usually one can pick up valuable hints about a man or woman by
observing how he/she spends money during the initial dates. However a
clear discussion may be better if you and your partner are serious about
each and especially if you are thinking of moving in together. This is
because your partner’s spending habits will significantly impact the
life you have together and influence financial decisions that you take
in your relationship. Thus if you believe in the virtues of saving, you
may be in for a rude surprise when after moving in you find out that
your partner has a measly amount in his/her bank account. On the other
hand if you prefer to live and spend for the moment and your partner is
the thrifty sort, your relationship could be in for some rocky times.
- What do you think of sex?
Very few will say that it is a bad idea, but the general intention is
to get down to a healthy discussion about sexual likes and dislikes as
well safe sex. Such cold verbalizing may seem to douse any fires of
passion at the start of a relationship, but the maxim ‘better safe than
sorry’ could not be truer on any other occasion. If your partner pushes
for intimacy knowing that you are still not comfortable about it, this
could be a warning sign. Even if you want to go to bed with him/her, see
if your partner is willing to take responsibility for his/her actions
which essentially means practicing safe sex. Refusing to use a condom,
lying about sexual health and pressurizing you to do things that are
dangerous or uncomfortable could be red flags in a new relationship.
- What about your exes?
While you may already have got a hint that your partner was into a
serious relationship before or even know that he/she is divorced, before
you start a relationship it is important that you get to know a little
more about his/her past. While there is no need to subject your partner
to an inquisition, if this thing is to go anywhere you are certainly
within your rights to know the status of his/her previous relationships.
Indeed if he/she has issues like alimony or child support, these
matters could influence your future relationship.
- What are your pet peeves?
No matter how completely compatible two people are in a relationship,
there are bound to some personal habits of one which drives the other
crazy. Popularly termed pet peeves, these seem to pose no major danger
to the relationship unlike infidelity, alcoholism or financial
irresponsibility. And yet when the irritations caused by pet peeves
build up over time, they can burst forth with frightening force and
seriously damage a relationship. So instead of letting your relationship
suffer from such ‘non-issues’, it is far better to set aside some time
to discuss your mutual pet peeves with a partner.
- How do I feel when I am with him/her?
The success of a relationship does not only have to do with how your
partner behaves. Before you decide to go ahead, answer honestly to how
you feel about yourself when you are with your beloved. If you feel
nervous about what he/she will so or do and anxious about how best to
please him/her may be you take a step back and reconsider the
relationship. A truly happy relationship instead will make you feel
content, positive and hopeful when you are with your partner.
- Where is this heading?
No couple can predict how things will turn out in a relationship.
There are way too many variables, including a thing as notoriously
unpredictable as the human heart. Still before you embark on a
relationship, it is reasonable to ask your partner about his/her
expectations from the relationship and how much is he/she willing to
give to it. Some of the most tragic breakups happen not because one
cheated on the other, but because both wanted different things from the
relationship.
- Do I feel the magic?
During the first few dates, partners are usually exploring what
chances they really have with each other. You may think alike on
religion, politics, money and don’t mind hanging out together. However
if you don’t see the magic between you two even after having gone out
three or four times, chances are that you are not yet ready for a
relationship. On the other hand if you cannot wait to see each other
again and your date is one exhilarating evening after another, it is
likely that you have met a special someone and are ready to move
further.
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