17 Things You Should Definitely Know Before You Sleep With Her

Yes this is heteronormative and I am sorry. But I want to talk about guys and girls so let me be okay?

1. How to spell her name. Why? Because it seems rather gross to go to bed with someone whose name you don’t know, don’t you think?

2. Whether she has a boyfriend (or girlfriend) or not. Do you really want to be that guy who cheats with a girl? Yes I know she sucks for doing this in a relationship, but so do you if you know.

3. That any variation of “I don’t do this often” has a 50/50 chance of her actually telling you the truth. You really might be the guy she’s choosing to do new things with. Then again, she might just be lying. No sure-fire way to figure this one out.
4. How drunk she is. Look, it’s really not that hard for all you guys who can’t seem to understand this thing called “consent.” If she’s too drunk, she can’t give you consent. Also, silence is not consent.
What kind of creep tries to have sex with a girl who is so drunk that she doesn’t know what’s going on?
5. HOW OLD SHE IS. I DO NOT NEED TO EXPLAIN THIS ONE, DO I?
6. That she’s someone’s daughter and you should treat her with respect. That she’s a person and you should treat her with respect. But seriously, do you want someone to one day bang your daughter if they don’t respect her?

7. Whether or not she’s on her period. Some girls are cool with period sex. Some girls are not. And for some girls, it depends. Either way, don’t assume anything.

8. What this sexual experience might mean to her. If you know a girl might like you more than you like her, do yourself a favor and don’t sleep with her. It’s not cool.

9. What YOU want from this sexual experience. Don’t play games with her. Don’t play games with yourself.
10.  Whether you’ll find each other more attractive if you in the words of the Janet Jackson song, “wait a while.”
11. Any potential diseases she might have. In an age where everyone is banging everything that moves, forgetting that there are full-time, lifetime diseases that are still possible, it is better to 1.) Ask and 2.) Look for yourself. (Also, if you have any diseases, make sure she knows!)
12. What sex means to her. It’s important to know the value someone places on sex. I mean if she is practically yanking your pants off while you’re in public (and she’s not drunk), she probably thinks it’s just like eating a bagel. If she talks about waiting, maybe she genuinely wants to wait. Don’t get in the way of that by enticing her.
13. What she absolutely will not do. Don’t get upset when you try to pull a move and she looks at you like you’re crazy. Some people don’t do certain things and honestly, you should probably know that before you jump in the sack.
14. That she’s going to think about you regardless of how far you go with her. If you do anything remotely sexual, she’s going to think about it and you for a while.
15. That she is a woman and you are a man, and any time the two of you have sex, there is a possibility of her falling pregnant. Don’t want to be a baby daddy? Look out for her and yourself. (Sorry, sex is so much less fun when we think of the consequences, isn’t it?)
16. Whether she’s only having sex because she thinks you’ll love her, be her boyfriend, etc. I know it may be hard to walk away from someone offering you free sex but this is still a douchebag move. Plus you’ll let out her crazy.
17. That no matter what she says, how much she likes sex and all that jazz, if she is literally being penetrated by you, and you and her are inside each other – then her emotional and mental well-being will always be involved as well. Always.